Over my 10+ years of on again/off again travel blogging, I often find myself apologizing for months of no new content. So, yet again, I apologize non-constant readers, for my lack of new content. But behold, I now bring you a new blog post!
So what has my clan been up to the last 3+ months? Oh you know, same old same old. After our summer tour of China, we settled back into our hometown. My daughter had a birthday at the end of July, so we celebrated that by getting her some weird flamingo cake, a GIANT stuffed animal and, just as we did with my son, another visit the the trampoline park. Only this time, I forced my wife to join us all on the trampolines. Pro tip – wearing a skirt, even a long one, is not the best when jumping on trampolines. We ended the birthday festivities with a make-up tutorial and a sweaty dance party back at the crib.
August was mostly getting ready for Alanna and the kids to go back to school, though we did have our own sets of non-school related ups and downs. At the beginning of the month, we stumbled on two abandoned 15-day old kittens in a shoebox. Someone had left them outside our complex, in the rain. So, of course, we had to take them. We initially named them Mario and Luigi, but once we got them to a Vet, we switched that to Mario and Zelda for obvious reasons. The vet said the kittens were both sickly, had a few cat diseases and that he wasn’t hopeful of their survival, but we did our best to care of them anyway. They both seemed to be making great improvements but then about two weeks later, one of them faded and died, and the next week the other one did the same thing. Losing anything like that isn’t fun. It was hard on the kids, even though we thought we had prepared them by not giving false hope. In the end, we gave those two strays a warm, safe place to stay for their short lives. We are all okay with that.
Thankfully after that we focused the kids attention on family activities such as board games and outdoor exploration, as well as refocused them on getting ready to go back to school. China is pretty much in the clear as far as Covid-19 right now. Masks are worn on the school bus, but other than that, there is very little that’s different from anything that happened before the virus. Seriously, international schools are the bomb diggity. I’m sure there are plenty of bad apples out there, but the schools we’ve enrolled our kids in have all been pretty awesome. It also helps that I’m married to the principal of the school. I can send my complaints directly to her over dinner. The kids being back in school also gave me a little more free time, as my university didn’t really get up and running again until September. Even better for me, I am only teaching Freshmen courses this semester, and they didn’t come to campus until after the Mid-Autumn Festival in October. In addition to all the back-to-school prep, Alanna and I also randomly began to play in a pub trivia league. Our team came in 3rd the first time, and then we won the whole dang thing at the next event. Our prize? A massage package for both of us! Massages in China can be a bit extreme. Even though they started and ended with pomp and circumstance (some kind of hand washing ceremony at the beginning and a tea ceremony at the end), those massage ladies gave both of us a workover. I was sore for a week. We also celebrated my birthday in September as well. No big deal. 45. I’m middle-aged. Woohoo.
Before I got back to work, one of the university administrators retired. Her name is Mrs. Hu. No, I can’t pronounce it correctly. She was a nice lady that I rarely saw, but always smiled and spoke to me when we passed by each other. They gave her a retirement dinner and invited all of us to attend. I didn’t go to many of these functions last year for one reason or another, so I felt like I should make the effort for this one. Many of the Chinese staff I knew well were going, so I felt safe enough to give it the old college try – literally. They were even having it at a fancy schmancy hot springs resort. We weren’t actually going to the hot springs, just the hotel restaurant, but I did some scouting for Alanna, cause she will want to be going there soon. I bummed a ride with a co-worker to the event, as the chartered bus that they rented seemed like it was going to be crowded, and with our own ride, we could leave early if we wanted. So, we got there a little early and waited on the bus. I quickly knew this was going to be a little different of an occasion when the bus arrived and everyone filed off of it one by one. I learned from a quick looksie that I was the only white person in attendance. Everyone else was Chinese. Most expats are still stuck in their home countries, trying to get a visa and flights back to China. So there are a precious few of us working here in China, and I was the only one in attendance at the retirement party. Mrs. Hu came right up to me, thanked me for coming, and made some small talk about how our summer had gone. We then went inside. I tried to join my Chinese friends at their table, but then I was told that Mrs. Hu had requested my presence at her table. At this head table, sat basically what you would call a board of directors of the university. I really didn’t know any of them. I’m sure they make more money in one month than I make all year. They gave me a chair right next to Mrs. Hu and from there, the night got a little fuzzy.
Traditional Chinese dinners are served “family style”, with large plates of food being brought to our big round table. In the middle of the table, is like, I dunno… a lazy Susan type of turn table thing? So, they just sit the food there, and we all spin the thing around, using our chopsticks to grab portions and put them on our plates or in our bowls. I made sure to watch what everyone was doing first, as I am very cautious about doing anything stupid and breaking some unknown Chinese rule of eating. Apparently I was taking too long though, as Mrs. Hu just began to scoop things up with her chopsticks and drop them on my plate. I want to tell you about how amazing the food was. It really was. I think. But I wasn’t allowed to spend any measurable amount of time enjoying the food because of the constant toasting process. Everyone at the table individually toasted Mrs. Hu. They would say something in Chinese, and thankfully the Chinese professor on my left spoke some English and would give me a rough translation. So yeah, they’d toast, then we’d all drink. In between these toasts to Mrs. Hu, everyone at the table also came up to me, one at a time, and toasted me. Now, I get what’s happening. I’m literally the only white person there. I’m the elephant in the room. The white elephant. I had heard rumors of how the Chinese enjoy their drinking at parties like this and, truth be told, I was eager to see the process in action. So I took it as a bit of a challenge. I toasted everyone back. I drank every time they did, or they told me to. I am not smart.
Chinese drink a liquor called Baijiu. It is a clear grain-based liquor that is not unlike vodka or gin. Perhaps its a little sweeter. The “strength” of this liquor though is quite high on the old alcohol by volume list. Pretty much everyone at my table was drinking baijiu, but also had a glass of red wine. Neither of these glasses were ever empty, for as soon as you finished it, someone at the table or a waiter would immediately fill it right back up again. So yeah, each one of these distinguished guests came up to me, toasted me and made me drink their crazy Chinese alcohol. I would thankfully gain a small reprieve now and then as someone would come up with only their wine glass for a toast. But even then… you are… okay… I was… expected to “empty my glass” after each toast. The default toast in China is “ganbei” (sounds like: “gon bay”) which literally means “dry cup.” Yes, each time I would drink they would tell me to FINISH IT.
GANBEI! GANBEI! GANBEI!
There were also a LOT of people at my table. Honestly, I can’t tell you how great the food was, or even how memorable the hotel resort was due to the fact that the rest of the evening seemed a bit of a blur. I do sort of remember someone asking me to visit them in the their office for tea and another couple inviting me on their yacht to watch the pink dolphins. Thankfully I had a ride home and was no worse for the wear the next day.
I’m back at work now full time, no online teaching for me. Live classrooms are so much better. I helped run the Freshmen orientation program this fall for the university. I spoke at Convocation. They even invited my better half to give the keynote speech at a special conference day. It’s a LOT of work. Imagine your normal college orientation program, but with students who have never spoken English on a regular basis. Most Chinese students are taught English from a very young age. While their reading and writing of the language can be okay, their speaking and listening usually aren’t, because its just not something you practice. So looking at those kids faces on the first day of class, knowing many of them can’t understand what I’m saying, can be quite the challenge for both professor and student alike. One of my courses this semester is your general Public Speaking class. One of the first class exercises I do is an eye contact lesson where each student stands in front of the class, makes eye contact with 3 different people, and says…
One Mississippi…
Two Mississippi…
Three Mississippi…
Look, I can’t speak Chinese. Like, at all. Every time I try to say something in Chinese, people give me the “huh?” look, or many times just laugh at my mispronunciation. So, I may have had a little bit of sick satisfaction listening to ESL learners try to pronounce a word than many Americans rarely even spell correctly – Mississippi. Chinese pride themselves on being perfect. And for them, this was such a hard word. Most of them stumbled through the exercise at best, but seemed to enjoy themselves when I made them understand not to take the exercise too seriously and just have fun. So, yeah… we’re back in the swing of things here in China. Heck, I even have a Chinese volleyball tournament I’m in next week. I was in it last year. We lost all 3 of our games. This year though… probably the same. Who am I kidding? Hey, you folks in the US of A, errr… good luck on Tuesday. I’m very happy NOT to be there. Y’all take care.
