The hot and humid season of summer is almost over here in China. What does that mean you say? Nothing. It means nothing. The area we live in here in China will be sweltering until Christmas. Many folks in this region tend to get away from the heat by heading to the northern or western regions of China where the temps can be slightly cooler and the humidity isn’t constantly bashing you over your sweaty head. So, for our vacation this summer we… well we just went somewhere even hotter. But there were pools. And waterslides. And beaches. And Cronuts. So there’s that.
According to Wikipedia, which I quote here because my history students seem to think it’s the best source for factual information says that Atlantis ” is a fictional island mentioned in an allegory on the hubris of nations in Plato‘s works Timaeus and Critias, wherein it represents the antagonist naval power that besieges “Ancient Athens”, the pseudo-historic embodiment of Plato’s ideal state in The Republic.[1] In the story, Athens repels the Atlantean attack unlike any other nation of the known world,[2] supposedly bearing witness to the superiority of Plato’s concept of a state.[3][4] The story concludes with Atlantis falling out of favor with the deities and submerging into the Atlantic Ocean.”
I’m going to leave all those links in there in case you, like me, sometimes like to slip down the rabbit hole of often unverified information that is Wikipedia. Anyway, yes, we went to Atlantis. No, not the Bahamas. No, no, not the one in the UAE. No, my good friend, the lost city of Atlantis is actually in China. I mean yes, the Atlantis resorts have locations in Nassau and Dubai, but we choose the one in China for obvious reasons that are mostly due to an ongoing pandemic. We didn’t even know such a thing existed. It’s a little different to just search the web for things to do here in China because of many factors, but as I was randomly net surfing last fall, I stumbled upon Atlantis here in China that’s only an hour flight away. Plan A for this summer was to go back to the States, but that didn’t happen so we switched to plan B: spend too much money at an amazing resort and have a kick ass time in the process all while not strangling each other.
My better half made all the plans, as is her way. She loves planning and is really good at it, which of course frees me up to be lazy, so its a win/win all around. We planned to stay for a week in the area total, spending a few days in the tourist beach town of Sanya for a few days before heading further up the coast to Atlantis. We hit up Sanya last summer as well, so plans were a little easier this time. I’m not sure if my wife would agree with that though so you better ask her. But at least we were better prepared this time. We had our little green codes on our phones up and ready to show anywhere that was needed – the departing airport, the arrival airport, checking into hotels, going to some restaurants and wherever else anyone is worried about Covid-19. I think many in the US would freak out with these type of regulations, but honestly to me I feel safer and it gives me more freedom to easily go and do what I want. We also have our vaccines. We got the Chinese one of course. Don’t ask me what it’s called, or how effective it is, I just got stabbed in the arm twice so I could travel easier. Side note – I’m not sure, other than saving lives (obviously), what good the vaccine is for. I thought it would somehow make it easier to travel. I had this idea I could just show them my vaccination record and they’d be like, “Cool.. you got the shot. Have at it. Go crazy.” This didn’t happen though. Maybe it will in the future, but right now we’re smackdab in the middle of wherever this pandemic is going to take all of us, so everyone buckle up. And by buckle up, I mean get the damn vaccine.
Okay, back to the vacay. We spent the first few nights in Sanya at a lovely hotel that had a pool directly off our balcony. We booked a family room, because we just wanted two beds instead of one. What family meant at this hotel, was a room that our children would love – aqua-themed pandas on the wall, a tent, lot’s of color, a starry ceiling light thingamajig and numerous stuffed animals. The beds were moderately comfortable, the pool was fantastic and the breakfast buffet had enough western options so my super picky son could get enough calories. We did very little at this hotel other than swim and eat. We did head into town a few times. One trip was to an outlet mall. Yes, they have those here in China. It was kind like Tanger Outlets (for my NC and SC peeps) but much more upscale with a Prada store thrown into boot. On a second trip in town, we went back to the same little entertainment/shopping/restaurant area we visited last summer. On the previous trip, the place was a ghost town as the pandemic was just getting into full swing, but this time the joint was hopping. We went at my son’s favorite restaurant in all the land – Pizza Hut, explored the numerous shops and then, for no particular reason at all, I decided I’d bungee jump off a tall tower. My family was genuinely concerned for my life, but those things are totally safe right? What’s more, it was super cheap. That inspired confidence. Oh yeah – the guy at the top strapping me in and giving me all the safety instructions? He only spoke Chinese. So we communicated through a series of hand gestures and grunts, but by the end of my briefing I was pretty much sure I would jump successfully… to my death. Just kidding, more like only serious injuries. In the end though, I closed my eyes, did a backflip off the tower and bungeed safely down and back up without so much as a stain of pee pee on my shorts.
I have teased Atlantis thus far, but fear not, we are finally getting to the meat and potatoes of this blog post. We got ourselves a DiDi (the Uber of China) and headed up the coast from Sanya proper to the lost city of Atlantis. I keep calling it that because it sounds cooler. I mean, the DiDi driver just used his phone’s map to get us there, so obviously this place isn’t as lost as it seems. We got there way too early to check in, but we were allowed free entrance into their waterpark. So we dropped off our luggage, took some quick pics and then headed on to every waterslide Atlantis had to offer. Ok, I… me… just Dad, Rob… did all the waterslides. My wife doesn’t really like spinning around in circles while getting water up your nose. My daughter also doesn’t enjoy even the casual trip down a lazy river. My son, the champion that he is, did only a few of the slides with me, and then made his way back to the wave pool. So, that left me to do the more crazy stuff, like plunging through a see through tunnel surrounded by sharks (which were hard to see because there was so much water up my nose and in my eyes) all by myself – cue Celine Dion music here. The waterpark itself is pretty amazing though. Instead of actual tickets, or scanning something on our phone, the resort just took pictures of our faces and used facial recognition to let us inside the place quickly and efficiently. They have all the typical waterparky things – the slide that drops you down a pyramid at a mostly vertical angle. It reminded me of my days at the PTL waterpark. Ah, Jim and Tammy Fay. There were a number of other waterslides, the lazy river (that had tiny rapids), a wave pool with a full concert stage in the middle of it, a good selection of western food options, a kiddie section with surprisingly fast waterslides that I couldn’t ride because I’m an adult whatever dumb rule anyway, a dolphin show, a sea lion show, and a Cirque du Soleil type show in the water complete with some extremely attractive Russian performers.
Even with all the offering of the actual waterpark, I was a little worried we would get bored after numerous days we’d be spending there. Thankfully, Atlantis is a full resort with much more to offer than just a waterpark. They have an aquarium, 3 different large hotel pools, the BEACH of course, a train, helicopter rides, a small mall, a Gordan Ramsey restaurant and a bunch of other stuff I can’t remember because I’m old and forget things. We even forgoed the waterpark on a few occasions just to fit in as much as the rest of the resort had to offer.
Here are some highlights:
- The Train Ride around the resort – It’s like a backstage pass to all the inner workings. We even got the see the dolphins lazily swimming in a behind-the-scenes area.
- Gordan Ramsey Restaurant – This was a date night for the Mr. and Mrs. The food was excellent, but overpriced and there wasn’t nearly enough of it.
- The Beach – China doesn’t have a lot of nice beaches. But this one is amazing. You snake through a lovely little path of trees and then the beach just is there, looking lovely both day and night. But they still won’t let me ride a jet ski without some dude attached to my back. Mobius would be so disappointed.
- The Aquarium – Lost city themed, so the design is very cool. Most of your typical aquatic life, but they also had Belugas. One of them was being very inappropriate while we were there. I feel like he is my Patronus.
- The Cirque du Soleil Show with Hot Russians – Surprisingly good water show with high dives, one of those ring of death things, hot Russians (Did I mention them?), a sea lion and a plot that make no sense whatsoever.
- Cronuts – The waterpark had a shop that sold these delectable treats. We missed the craze in the States so it was nice to have them here. VERY good, and even my son craved them.
- A full on Water Concert/Laser/Fire Show every night – Remember that stage at the wave pool? We saw a magic show, the hot Russian performers and then a wild DJ dance party where my kids proudly displayed how white we all are.
- The Hotel Pool in the evening – a nice way to wind down with kids activities, a band playing Richard Marx tunes, and an excellent place to smash your forehead on the bottom of a pool.
I am the type of guy who usually wants to do something different every time we go somewhere. But I’d be more than happy to go back to Atlantis again anytime. All in all, we had an amazing vacation. The family is now gearing up for school starting in a few short weeks. Both me and my love are transitioning into new (better) roles with our companies and are excited to continue this phase of life. We continue to miss our friends and families in the States and around the world. I hope you stay healthy and happy and you too can one day have the privilege of seeing beautiful Russians swimming in a pool for your personal entertainment.
