A Week in a Chinese Hospital


We’ve been trying to get back in the swing of things after the national holiday here in China, but we’ve hit some road bumps, mainly in the form of everyone getting sick. And it has only gotten progressively worse.  Logan was sick right before the holiday, with sore throat, cough and what we think was Strep. I was sick during the holiday with some kind of nasty sinus infection that made Disney a lot less more magical. Alanna had a quick (thankfully) stomach bug right after we got back from the magic kingdom.  And then there’s Abby. Our energetic bundle of joy seemed to have made it through the week of family sickness unscathed. She even made it back to school safely… for one day. And then the bottom fell out.
Abby woke up early last week with a fever, stomach pains and stuff coming out of her backside in rapid fashion. It seemed like she had gotten both what Alanna and I had. We kept her home from school the next day and gave her some of the medicines we’d brought from the States. Alanna was good like that.  She had a giant list of all the things we’d need and a healthy supply of medicines for both us and the kids was high on that list.


By Wednesday, Abby was still at home and none of her issues had been resolved. We figured it might be more serious than we thought so we decided to take her to a doctor. Taking someone to a doctor in China, for us anyway, means just going to the hospital. Unfortunately, my one great fear in life is hospitals. Seriously. It’s a long story, which I’ll save for another time.
The kids are under Alanna’s insurance, so it made sense for her to take Abby to the doc. Thankfully, we have a connection with a few English-speaking nurses here at the local hospital. We even have their contact information. So, Alanna was able to get in touch with one of them and they could meet her at the hospital to help her through the process.  Alanna got to the hospital and it was immediately crowded with 1 million people. OK, not that many, but it was mad busy. Alanna has some kind of special expat VIP service though. The nice nurse came and got my wife and daugther and took them to a nicer, much less crowded floor to see the doctor. The doctor of course spoke only Chinese, but the nurse translated. She was nice. He was not as nice. He immediately wanted a blood test, stool sample, the works. Alanna just wanted antibiotics. Alanna won that round and left with a plethora of drugs ranging from antibiotics to salt hydrating… things.
Abby is 6 years old. Abby is an American. Abby is used to her medicine tasting like bubblegum. They don’t do bubblegum in China. Abby could barely stomach anything that the doctor had given her. I thought she was just being a bratty child, so Alanna had me taste her medicine. Abby was not being a bratty child.  Her medicines were all in powder form that you mix with water and then swig down. Her medicine tasted like chalk. Like… chalk with poop on it. Like chalk… with too much wasabi. Like chalk… with whatever nasty tasting thing pops into your mind at this moment. I was able to find some Gatorade at a store close by, so that made it slightly less nasty to drink with medicine. Like… chalk. Just chalk.  Another day of this and she seemed to get a little better. At least her fever was gone. The stomach issues were there still, but less frequent. But they weren’t going away. And when she did have her stomach bouts, the poor girl was screaming in pain and was inconsolable. Alanna spoke with the nurse again and they decided to get a stool sample from Abby, then bring it to the hospital the next day.  I oversaw the “sample getting”. I got it, we refrigerated it, then Alanna took it in the next day along with Abby. And, of course, the doctor rejected the sample because it wasn’t fresh. Like, 30 minutes fresh. Alanna got Abby something to eat while they were the hospital for round 2 in hopes that she would “go”, but no luck. She was brought back home, she went later, and Alanna rushed the fresh poo back to the hospital while I stayed at home with the kids.  This was Saturday? Yes, Saturday. Oh, did I mention she had blood in her stool? Yeah, she had blood in her stool. Her parents were freaking out.
We got her results back at the beginning of the week and they didn’t look good. We were told she had “some kind of infection” and that if the antibiotics we were giving her weren’t working, that we should admit her to the hospital. Like, check her in, get her the good medicine through her arm type of admitting. This all came down while both of us were at work.  Alanna talked to her colleagues and I talked to mine, trying to figure out the best course of action since we know very little about Chinese Hospitals. We are scared. Nervous. Worried. Whatever you want to call it, we were that. We would have been all those things back in the States, but they were magnified now that we were in China. We basically had two options – take her to the local hospital here in the city, or hop on some transportation and head to Hong Kong, where they have more English-speaking doctors and better facilities. We finally agreed that we needed something immediately, as Abby had lost all color and looked very dehydrated, even though we were trying to force feed her water and Gatorade.  That something, we decided, was to take her to the local hospital. Sure, Hong Kong may have been better, but when we went to Disneyland there, it took us 4 hours to arrive, and we wanted Abby taken care of as soon as possible.
We left Logan at school and took Abby to the hospital on Tuesday right before Noon. Thankfully, we headed directly up to the VIP floor, where we waited patiently on the nice English-Speaking nurse. Once she arrived, we were all ushered into a small examination room where a Chinese doctor basically took some notes on her computer translated from our nurse as we told her about Abby’s condition. She agreed that Abby did indeed need to be admitted and told us to head to the VIP floor in the next building, which was Floor 13.  Don’t worry, that number doesn’t really have any unlucky powers in our family, so we weren’t worried. About that anyway. First though, we needed to go to floor 3, to the Pediatric Ward, to check-in there.





I soon learned that the Pediatrics Ward was just another name for Hell. Literal Hell.  Ok, not literal. No fire and brimstone, but Hell none the less. We were led into the area and immediately felt like were in an overcrowded medical refugee camp, thing, place.  There were beds along the hallways, with children in them throwing up in buckets. There was a baby with needles sticking out of his head and an IV in his arm while his parents held him and walked around the lobby area. Thankfully, we were just there to check in. We were going to the VIP floor. Nothing to worry about. Remain calm.  Our nurse led us back to a large multi-office area where we spoke with (I think) another doctor. She gave Abby the once over, asked us the exact same questions the other doctor asked, then printed out some admission forms for us to sign. They were all in Chinese, so our nurse translated them for us:
Form 1 – This hospital is very expensive. Treatment will be very expensive. You better pay up! Sign here.
Form 2 – Don’t bribe the doctor. Sign here.
Form 3 – Are you this child’s mother?  Sign here.



With the paperwork out of the way, we were taken out of Hell.  (I’m just gonna call the Pediatrics Ward “Hell” from now on as it is easier to type and is honestly a better fitting name for the area.) So, we were off to Floor 13.  We were put in room 27, but there was a piece of paper taped over the 27 number beside our door that said 50, so we were in room 50. Don’t ask me, I don’t understand it either.  The room was nice. Sparse, but nice. It is what you would expect for a nice private room in any hospital in the States. Abby was just settling in when some nurses came and said they needed to begin the IV process.  Now we had tried to prepare Abby for this, so she wouldn’t be surprised. She understood they would have to stick her, maybe take some blood, and leave in a tube to give her the good medicine. Abby was already upset about it, as any 6-year-old who looked like she was dying would be, but it only got worse. WAAAAAY worse. In America, they just do the whole IV process right there in your room.  Makes sense, right? I mean, that’s where your bed is, that’s where you will be lying and having the meds pumped in your body. So, of course, we thought they’d have her lie down there in bed and give her the IV. We were wrong. We were dead wrong. They explained to us that is not how they do things at the local hospital . They don’t do the IV procedure in your room. Oh no. Where DO they do the IV procedure you ask?  Hell. They do it in Hell. I’m freaking out. Alanna is freaking out. Abby is freaking out. But we all put on our brave faces and accompany the nurses down to Hell. Again, we’re on Floor 13, Hell is on Floor 3. There are 10 million people at the hospital, and they all use the elevators at the same time. Waiting for the elevator to get to your floor takes 5 minutes or more. And then, you get on a small elevator with, no exaggeration, 15 other people.  And then the elevator stops on EVERY. SINGLE. FLOOR. – where people get off, but of course more people get on, so it’s always crowded.


Back to Hell. There was that kid again, still puking in a bucket. Hey, there’s the baby with the needles sticking out of his head.  We were led to what I guess can be called the Shot room. You know, the place where they would draw your blood, or give you a shot, or waterboard you.  Whatever it takes, right? More freaking out continued as we walked into the small room. They had a rolling cart in the middle of it, with all their supplies, yeah, but on the shelf under the cart were all the used needles, in a bucket.  Like 100s of them, used, bloody, whatever, poking out every which way but any way that was some kind of normal safety standard. And then there were the blood splotches on the floor. Fresh blood, mind you, not the week old darker brown stuff.  Oh no, this was, “hey, this guy just bled out in the room” type of blood. There were two padded examination tables that I figured they would sit Abby on. Again, I figured wrong. They put her in an old wooden school chair in the middle of the room, not 2 feet from those damned used needles.  Abby already had some tears streaming down her pretty face, and snot dripping from her nose as we began IV Attempt Number 1. Yes, this wasn’t the only attempt. Alanna stood back a bit cause she’s an awesome Mom and can’t stand to see her baby girl in pain. I straddled up behind Abby and held her tight cause I’m an awesome Dad and really didn’t know anything else to do.  The nurses started with the back of Abby’s right hand. They slid the needle in, Abby screamed, but did her best to stay still for the nurses, which at time were a total of 2 in the room. They taped everything down, hooked up the IV and… couldn’t get any blood to come out of her hand. I will be honest. I know nothing about this process. Until this week, I thought an IV meant there was a needle in your arm the whole time you were getting medication and whatnot. During attempt number 1, I thought what I assume most people would think – Ok, these dumb nurses probably just missed her vein. They don’t know what they are doing. They wiggled the IV around, moved it back and forth, which only made Abby scream and cry and snot all the more. They did all their nursey stuff to make the magic happen, but no luck.  So, they left that IV in her right hand and moved on to IV Attempt Number 2. They picked up Abby’s left hand this time. This pissed off my daughter even more, as now she was going to be jabbed with a needle for the second time. I think it was as this point that I noticed they every single bit of color had drained from my wife’s body. She looked like she was about the keel over right there in the Shot room in Hell. There was a lot going on after all. We were in Hell. Her daughter was getting not one, but now two needles jammed in her ghost-colored skin, there were dirty needles nearby, blood on the floor, oh yes, and the nurses had absolutely no bedside manner whatsoever. If they had been speaking English, I was imagining they would have been saying, “Shut up, little brat. This doesn’t hurt. You be still and take it like a good girl.”
With all of that happening, I could see that Alanna needed a moment and suggested she step away for a bit.  Thankfully she did. Just in time too, as I turned back to see IV Attempt Number 2 was a complete failure. Nothing going with the left arm either, though at least this time they didn’t leave another IV taped to her hand. At that point, Abby was literally and figuratively a mess.  I had her blow her nose, then picked her up, away from the Hell nurses and just held her for a bit, trying to get her to calm down.

Alanna returned sometime later (It’s all a blur) and we had a conversation about just getting the hell out of Hell and either going to Hong Kong or going home.  Somehow those nurses got a hold of my daughter again. They were holding one of her feet this time, wanting to jab a needle in there for an IV attempt. Nope, not happening. I’m sure they were just doing their job, and obviously knew better what to do than I did, but I didn’t want them to stick something in my baby’s foot.  At this point, I think we were ready to give up, so we were telling them just to take the Attempt Number 1 out of her right hand. I figured that’s what they were doing as they were taking off the tape, pulling everything out. Right? Right?? Wrong. They stuck it back in! Just like that we had IV Attempt Number 3. Same story for Abby – crying, screaming, snot.  Rob is mad. Alanna is mad. There are now 4 nurses in the room all talking at the same time while we try to translate on our phones. I was this close to going full redneck on all of them. Not half redneck. Full redneck. The kind of redneck that gets you removed from a country and never allowed back. Thankfully… finally… this IV attempt worked… all of the sudden.  They taped it all down nice and neat to her right hand and Abby even calmed down enough to say thank you in Chinese to the nurses, which is the first time I saw them smile since coming to Hell. Abby was calming down. Alanna was calming down. Rob was calming down. From there, we were led out of Hell and back to the VIP floor and room 27… or 50… I dunno.

We settled Abby down into her bed, made sure her IV drip was all nice and neat and doing its thing, and she fell right asleep. The nurse came in later and explained once again, this room was expensive, here sign this, blah blah.  First of all, we have great insurance. It covers pretty much everything 100%. Second of all, we saw the prices. This stuff was SO MUCH cheaper than anything we were used to in the US. It also afforded us to have catered meals, 3 times a day, for all three of us, as long as we stayed under a certain amount.  Which was easy to do because food is cheap in China. The plan for the first night was for me to stay there with Abby and send Alanna home to be with Logan. We were told by the nurses they still needed to get blood work from Abby. They wanted to do it down there in Hell right after the IV, but we told them no, that she had been poked enough for the time being.  So, they said they would do it later that afternoon/night. Alanna asked if they could just do it in Abby’s room, and they said that they would see. Alanna gave me specific instructions before she left – that if they drew blood, I was to make sure they did it there in her room and NOT in Hell. I assured her I would do my best. I failed. Alanna was gone for a few hours when the nurses came in to take Abby down to Hell.  I really did my best. I got loud, I argued in Google Translate, Abby cried some more, we talked to Alanna on the phone. Everything was escalating quickly. I was yelling, 15 nurses were talking in Chinese. But then it happened. At some point, an angel like whisper came out of my daughter while I was busy arguing loudly with the nurses. That little voice said – “Daddy, its okay. I’ll go downstairs for the shot.” And my heart broke into a million pieces right then and there.  This little 6-year-old girl, badly dehydrated, having the worst stomach pains of her life, was able to muster up more courage than her father and go to the one place that terrified her the most – Hell. So back down to Hell we went. We stopped at every floor in the elevator. That kid was still in his bed in the hall, but asleep and not throwing up. Needle Baby was nowhere to be found. Into the shot room we went. Yes, the needles in the bucket. Yes, the blood on the floor.  Would my daughter’s blood soon be on the floor as well? I felt pretty helpless. All I could do was hold her still as they went to her left hand, which had already been poked once, and there they poked again. And lo and behold… the blood came out easily. Seems the fluids they had been pumping into her upstairs for the past few hours had hydrated her tiny body to make things flowing out of her a little easier. She screamed, cried, though not as much, and they were able to get all the samples of blood they needed.  Also, I didn’t see them spill any of her blood on the floor, in case you were wondering.


Back in our room, I turned some Chinese cartoons on the TV, hopped into bed with Abby and we were both out by 9pm.  But just like any hospital, the nurses would come in every few hours to change out a bag, which usually woke me up. Abby seemed to sleep okay; all things considered. Flash forward to the wee hours of the morning though.  The nurse woke us up to let us know that Abby’s vein was closed, and the drip wasn’t going in anymore. What did that mean? Exactly what you think it means. Another trip to Hell and to poke her again. No. Hell no. I wasn’t having it.  I told them in no uncertain terms they were going to do everything else they needed to do here in this room. Period. Exclamation Point. Question Mark? I got what I asked for though. The nurses checked with the head nurses, who checked with the doctor, who checked with the head of Pediatrics, who checked the Administrative Staff, who checked with who I can only assume was the President of China.  In any case, they came back with a YES, we will re-stick your daughter with our needles right here in your room. We did not have to make a return trip to Hell. Once again, this IV insertion went much more smoothly, some crying here and there, but it was over as quick as it started, the drip was dripping again, and Abby was back to sleep in no time. The next morning, Abby was looking better but still had the stomach and bathroom visit problems. They didn’t seem as bad or as frequent though, so I was hopeful she was on the road to recovery.  Alanna got back to the hospital after seeing Logan off to school. I filled her in on everything, tried to soldier on, but soon enough I needed to go home and crash, letting Alanna stay the second night while I hung out at home with Logan.
We really didn’t have any news on Abby for a few days.  They had new stool and blood samples, but they said they needed to wait a few days to check on the culture.  Again, I don’t know what any of this means. I just wanted results ASAP, but that wasn’t happening. Once her bloodwork came back, it wasn’t good.  First, it was in Chinese, so we didn’t understand. Once we translated it, it was in medical mumbo jumbo, so we still didn’t understand. The English-Speaking nurse tried to explain it to us, and we STILL didn’t understand it.  So, who did we turn to? Google. Google knows everything and is always correct. What we did know – that our daughter had a nasty strain of Salmonella. That alone was enough to keep her on antibiotics for a few more days. But the bloodwork also showed spiked numbers in some other categories that I still have no clue what they mean.  The doctor was worried about this stuff and wanted to keep Abby in the hospital longer, which we reluctantly agreed to. That was the blood sample from the first day we were there though. Now that she’d been on dope for 2 days, they needed, yes… you guessed it… another sample of blood. We all knew the routine by now – stay in the room, no Hell, make it quick, get your stuff, get out.  All of that was accomplished, Abby barely made a sound and we were back to watching Chinese cartoons, playing the Legend of Zelda and playing with dolls, all while we waited on new results.

The doctor came in the next day, as Abby was improving steadily by the minute.  We hoped she could be released since she was doing better. The doctor said that she wanted to wait on the blood work to come back just to make sure.  Here’s what she could do. Or rather, what we could do – We could take Abby home that night, the 5th day of her stay.  BUT the doctor wasn’t “releasing” her yet.  So, while she was still under the eye of the hospital, we could have her at home.  BUT, if we took her home, we had to sign some more papers basically stating that if anything happened to her at home, then it wasn’t the hospital’s fault.  We didn’t care. We signed that stuff and told them to take out that nasty IV, because we were out of there. Oh… no? What’s that you say? They needed us to leave the IV in, just in case the bloodwork came back the next day, and it wasn’t good, they could just put her right back on the IV drip.  So… they weren’t taking the IV out, but they were sending us home? Like, with a saline bag and all? No, just the IV thing, taped to her arm. Goods news though they said – if the bloodwork showed the all clear sign the next day, we could take the IV out and not have to come back to the hospital.  “Great! Wait, you mean YOU will take the IV out, right nurse? No, you can do it, sir. It’s very easy. No pain. If you can’t do it, maybe your wife can, sir.” So, they sent us home with Abby and an IV still in her arm, and we hoped for good news the next morning. Abby was happy to be home, though was mad she couldn’t take a full shower with that dang IV still in her arm. Alanna wasn’t so sure about one of US taking out the IV though.  I told her I could probably do it. Of course, I could probably fly a plane if I had to, or solve world hunger, If I had to, or maybe even walk on water. The odds on all of those were pretty similar I would say.
The next morning came and Alanna got the call from the hospital – and the good news.  Abby’s bloodwork showed all good signs of improvement. She only needed to take some oral antibiotics for three more days, and then she’d be right as rain.  And yes, by all means, go ahead and take that IV out at home, sir. No need to come back to the hospital for that. Why would you want to go through that Hell again? I had one thing working in my favor – Alanna was at work that morning.  If she were at home, I think she would have overruled by decision to instantly become a nurse. You know, those people who have years of medical training and are really the ones saving lives and making people healthy. Pfft, I got this, right?  I turned to the best teacher I know. Once again – Google. I watched a video about IVs and learned something interesting – there isn’t a needle in your arm when you have an IV. Maybe people already know this. I could just be ignorant in the ways of modern medicine.  In case you don’t know though, a needle is used to poke into your skin. That needle is surrounded by a tube. The needle comes back out, but the tube stays in to administer the medications intravenously. Who would have thunk it??? So, I carefully pulled off all the tape and as I pulled off the last bit of it, the IV tube just came right out. Abby didn’t even have time to cry.  And she didn’t even bleed. I was all ready to apply pressure and even did so for a bit of time, but there was no need.


So, Abby hit those meds for three more days and on Monday of this week she went back to school. I wouldn’t say she’s 100% better yet, but she’s pretty much back to her old self and her mother and father have stopped freaking out. For the moment. How was your week?



Your Guide to All Things Disneyland Hong Kong

WARNING!

THIS BLOG POST WILL BE ABOUT DISNEY!

YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!


OK, you still here? Good.  Some folks get tired of hearing about Disney all the time. But hey, when you go to Disneyland with your family, you want to talk about it and post pics, right?  And, if you go to Disneyland… In Hong Kong… it sounds even cooler, right?  Right???


China has a National Day just like the States have Independence Day. But instead of a day off from work or school, we got a whole week. I ain’t complaining. We knew we wanted to use this first holiday to get away for a bit so our first thought – Disneyland.  Its not too far away from us, and after a quick web search, we found out that it was a LOT cheaper than the Mickey lands stateside. We decided to even stay at Disney for a few days because of the great prices of their hotels.  We were waiting for payday to actually make our purchase, so we hadn’t pulled the trigger on anything the week leading up to the holiday. That’s when we got some red flags about our trip that had us second and third guessing our plans.  The folks at work told me that Disneyland Hong Kong may be slammed full of Chinese during the holiday because, well, it’s a holiday. We aren’t the Disney family that will stand in lines for hours, so we immediately began to work on Plan B. 

Plan B could have been a trip to Vietnam or South Korea or Thailand or any other little trip that was dirty cheap. We even looked into a really cheap flight to Russia, but we need visas and that would have taken more time to get than we had.  But that’s a trip we’re now thinking about for the future! We still weren’t sure what we wanted to do the Friday before the weeklong holiday started.  That’s when we heard that Disneyland might not be so crowded.  Why? The Hong Kong protests.  If you have no idea what I mean by that, just watch some national news. There was a news article we found that said Disneyland Hong Kong was almost empty because tourists were scared away from Hong Kong for fear of their safety. Now, thankfully we know that Disneyland is pretty far away from where the actual protests are/have been taking place, so we (well me.  Alanna wasn’t so sure) were fairly certain that we would be fine making it to and from Disney. So, after going from Plan A to Plan B and then back to Plan A, we finally booked our tickets and hotel reservations the NIGHT BEFORE WE LEFT, and were all set to head to the happiest place in the world.  Oh, and we still got a really good deal.

When travelling to Disney in the states, you will most likely drive there if you’re close enough to do so, or hop on a plane, rent a car, take the shuttle, the works. For us in China? Let’s just say it was a process.  The short version – we took a car to a border – went through Chinese immigration office – went through customs – got on a bus – crossed the world’s longest bridge – which also went through an underwater tunnel – arrived in Hong Kong – went through Hong Kong immigration – went through customs – got on another bus – made it to Disney – got on another bus – arrived at a Disney hotel. Total time travelled? About four hours.  But it was a smooth four hours will minimal snags or breakdowns from our children, so I consider that a win. We also didn’t let the kids know we were going to Disney, only to Hong Kong, so when we finally arrived at Disney and they saw where we were, we became the parents of the year.



For those of you that are interested, I’ll give you a quick highlight/review of Disneyland Hong Kong –


Overview –
The park itself is much smaller than the American counterparts.  Most people say you could hit everything in one full day, but we went for two days so we could take our time.  Disney HK is basically just one park – Magic Kingdom kind of thing which consists of Main Street USA, Tomorrowland, Adventureland, Fantasyland, Toy Story Land, Grizzly Gulch and Mystic Point. For those of you that are Disney veterans, please forgive me if I get anything wrong or it sounds a little off – its been awhile since I’ve been to a Disney park. The last time was Disneyworld with the college crew in 1994.


The Hotel –
Our hotel was one of the older ones, though still in great condition and very nice.  The room had two Double Beds.  Yeah, I know. That was the largest bed we could get unless you only got a one King Room, but I couldn’t throw the kids on the floor.  So, we squeezed into those Double beds for two nights.  There’s a dinner and breakfast buffet here and Chef Mickey visited us both times to take photos. Most of the food is still of an Asian flare, but there’s a decent amount of western items sprinkled in so that my kids could get some calories. While the dinner was great, the breakfast buffet was DA BOMB.  Anything you could think of, they had.  Well, except for grits. But its China.



The hotel also had a grand piano-shaped pool we took full advantage of, as well as a nice walking area with a view of the Hong Kong coastline. The shuttle bus to and from the hotel to the park took us less than 5 minutes.  Alanna and I agreed we made the right decision on staying on Disney island.

Main Street USA –
The area everyone is funneled into once you get into the park.  You’ll find all the overpriced Disney swag, photo hawkers, survey takers and everything else helpful for your journey down this crowded road.
Tomorrowland –
We headed straight to Space Mountain, or as it’s called in HK land, Hyperspace Mountain. They basically modified the whole thing to have a Star Wars theme to it. The line wasn’t bad.  We even got to sit in the very front. I love rollercoasters and from what I remember – Space Mountain was pretty tame by coaster standards. Hyperspace, however, was about 90% dark the entire time, with occasional Star Wars sounds and lights that would pop up now and then. Logan and I had a decent time, my wife and daughter hated it like the plague and also hated me for next hour. There was a great Disney ride photo of all four of us – Logan and I smiling, having a good time, Alanna looking like she was going to puke, and Abby with her head between her legs.  The photo was blurry though and not worth buying, but it completely captured each of our feelings while travelling at light speed.
Other highlights of Tomorrowland – Antman and Wasp ride – your standard sit in a cart and ride slowly around while shooting at targets. The Iron Man Experience – 3D VR ride. This was fun, but Alanna broke the machine.  Like, literally. 



Alanna has one superpower, and that is that anytime she is around technology, she shorts it out with her mind. We had to wait 5 minutes in our seats while they repaired whatever was wrong with the ride. Multiple technicians were called in to fix the problem before we were allowed to ride it. 



We also ate lunch in Tomorrowland. This isn’t America Disney, so you don’t find all that scrumptious junk food here.  It has more of a Chinese flare, which of course, our children didn’t enjoy. Typical park food though, nothing to write home about.

We also signed up the kids for the Jedi Training show, which was done in a weird combination of Chinese and English. Abby had a breakdown before the show even began and was dropped from the cast. Logan stayed in for the long haul, looking half bored most of the time as he could only understand 50% of what the Jedis were saying. Vader spoke English though, so I guess English is the Dark Side language. He did love fighting Darth Vader with his light saber.
Fantasyland –
Main thing to see here was the Castle, but it is currently getting a facelift. Maybe next year. Other things here were – the Carousel, Dumbo ride, Tea Cup ride, It’s a Small World ride.  No one threw up on the Tea Cups, though Alanna was the smart one by not participating and just taking pictures from afar. The highlight of the area?  It’s Small World. I think people either love or hate this ride.  I think I thought it was dumb when I was in college.  Doing it with my kids? Had a blast. True, it does have a China slant, but hey, when in China. The Americas were lumped together with the US mostly just being about the Wild West. But it was a blistering hot day in HK, so the chance to relax in a dark, well air-conditioned environment for a 10 minute boat trip around the world was a welcomed break from the outside world. 



This section of Disney also had Mickey’s PhilharMagic, which was the 4D movie experience. It was crowded, but fun and my kids were really confused when they got wet while watching a movie.

This is also where we took in the big afternoon parade.  It was a very random thing, unplanned for us, and a lucky deal we were right on the street, no one in front of us and had the perfect view. Disney parades are an awesome experience and HK Disney did a great job with theirs as well.  We took way too many pictures here but it was worth it to stand there in the blinding sun and heat to watch the floats, characters and dancers go by us one by one.
Adventureland –
We’ll call this jungle area? Yeah, the jungle area. The highlight was Jungle River Cruise. You were able to select which language you wanted your tour guide to speak by getting in “that” line.  Park goers had three choices – Cantonese (Hong Kong speakers), Mandarin (Most of China) or English (Dumb white people like us). This was Logan’s least favorite ride, as the boat motor was too loud and the lady on the speaker was way too noisy for his ears. Alanna and I loved this ride though because the tour guides are unintentionally hilarious. English obviously wasn’t there first language and listening to them describe our trip down the river was a treat to the ears indeed. 



We passed by Tarzan’s treehouse on the boat and saw people climbing up and down a lot of stairs. None of us were about that life and decided to skip it. We had some snacks in this area and fed popcorn to birds while arguing about whether Toppins/Tuppins in Mary Poppins were the food you gave the birds or the money you paid to the lady to feed the birds.  Answer? Tuppence – two pennies, for goods or services.
Grizzly Gulch –
A Wild West type of area, with not much to do other than the Runaway Mine Cars coaster. It’s a fun ride that goes forwards, then backwards and then fast forward.  Just me and Logan for this one, both of us enjoyed the trip. Because we bought the Disneyland package, it included one priority pass in which we could bypass any one ride. There were at least 200 people in line for this ride, so we decided to use our pass to go around all 200 people and hop right on! That was a pretty nice perk.



Mystic Point –
This area is dominated by Mystic Manor, Hong Kong Disney’s version of The Haunted Mansion. Apparently Chinese culture isn’t that into scary stuff. I was worried about this ride, as The Haunted Mansion was such a neat ride from my memories that I figured that Mystic Manor would pale in comparison.  Thankfully we were all pleasantly surprised. Mystic Manor follows a storyline of an antique collector who brings back a magic box from his travels.  His pet monkey opens the box, which releases the magic that brings all the other antiques, statues and everything else in the manor to life.  While there really wasn’t anything spooky about it, the family had a blast and were happy we gave it a shot.



Toy Story Land –
This seemed to be the newest area of the park and also the most crowded. We didn’t spend too much time here.  I rode the RC Racer coaster, which is basically the old pirate ship ride that goes back and forth, except you’re in a toy remote control car instead. This was my favorite of the thrill rides at Disney HK. We also got a nice photo op with Woody and Jessie while here in Toy Story Land as well.


That’s Disneyland Hong Kong in a nutshell.  We like to make things a little more interesting when we travel though.  So, we decided to be sick while on the trip as well!  Logan was just coming off a nasty little bout of sickness heading into the trip, which he in turn gave to me. It didn’t hit me until I woke up that first morning in the hotel.  Flu-like symptoms galore – headache, sinus, sneezing, coughing, sore throat. We picked up some kind of medicine at the hotel gift shop, which did absolutely nothing for me. I was pretty miserable physically the entire trip, but did my best to champion on and take one for the team. Let me tell you though – there’s nothing like having flu-like symptoms, hot and humid weather, amusement park food, walking 10 miles a day and riding thrill rides all rolled into one.

Want to know my favorite part of the trip?  I had to think long and hard about this one, as Disney always offers many amazingly good and bad experiences each time you go. I, however, wanted something more than “this cool ride” or that “awesome parade” as my favorite memory of the trip.  While all that stuff was amazing, it was a singular moment during It’s a Small World that stuck out most for me.  What was it, you may ask?  It was… standing in line.  

Yes, standing in line, the thing that people, including myself, usually hate the most about theme parks was in fact the highlight of my trip.  While standing in long lines can leave you frustrated and annoyed, I found the one thing that makes my world go around – my wife and kids.  We would stand there, move a little, stand around some more, and on and on. It was during these pauses in time though that I could talk to my kids, kiss my wife, and really appreciate the amazing life we all have. I wasn’t thinking about work, or American politics, or protests, or my stuffy nose. I was interacting with the people that matter most in my life. Sure, my kids were impatient and cried now and then, my wife got nauseous on most of the rides, but standing in those lines is something I will always treasure. The little pauses between this and that is where I want to live my life.


You have to try Xiaolongbao!

The Bike Shop




I’ve been running all over hell’s half acre this past week. While my E-Bike has made it very convenient to get back and forth to work each day, it can be difficult at times because it still works like… a bike.  What I mean by that is, you can easily get a flat tire. Or slam into a pothole. Or bend the entire rim of your rear wheel frame.

Early last week I was riding around doing some HR work for campus.  Let’s just say the hiring process has been quite the nightmare. It caused me to first miss flying with my family to China, and then wait an extra few weeks just to get there. I don’t think this is a “China” thing; I’m pretty sure its just a “my work” thing.  There are a lot of hoops that you have to jump through to be hired in a foreign country, with work permit and visa requirements; then there’s the general onboarding process at your job that you’re probably familiar with as well.  

So, going into month here in the PRC, I still haven’t completed my onboarding.  Last week I needed to pick up a document from my building, and then take it to the HR building, which if you walk, is 30 minutes away. Taking the E-Bike, made it easier, until I ran over a nail on the way there. I doubt this is uncommon. Things happen, right?  Thankfully the leak was a slow one, so I was able to ride to the HR building, then back to my building with no problem at all.  I also had an air pump with me just in case something like this happened.

I needed to get the tire patched or replaced though. I can’t just be riding around on a leaky tire all the time. After checking with my colleagues, it turns out there is a bike repair shop on campus.  Well, OF COURSE there is a bike repair shop on campus. You can basically throw a stone somewhere in China and it will land where there is something you need.  Now FINDING the shop is a totally different story.  Google, the global giant of the internet, is all but banned in China.  While you can get around this issue at times with a VPN, using Google maps is a different story. You can get the maps app to work, but it’s not very accurate.  The regular street view doesn’t overlap correctly with the satellite view. And forget typing in an address and getting what you want. That ain’t happening here, folks.

Thankfully, there’s Baidu – China’s version of Google.  Yes, it’s a search engine and has all the other bells and whistles, including a map feature. Unfortunately, its all in Chinese.  I downloaded the Baidu Map App to my phone and have been working on trying to figure it out.  Thankfully it connects seamlessly with WeChat, and people can just drop a pin from chat and boom there’s a location on your map. One of my colleagues dropped a pin for the bike shop into my map app, and I was on my way. While I had no clue what the nice Chinese lady’s voice was saying for directions, the visual was more than enough to get me where I needed to go.



This was a very busy bike shop.  People with bicycles, e-bikes and scooters were coming and going nonstop. I did some translating with my phone and they were able to understand I needed my back tired fixed. After throwing muddy water all over the tire, the seasoned bike repairman found the leak and plugged it… with, I kid you not, what looked like a rusty nail. Obviously, I was dubious about this patch job, but he assured me with nodding and a few thumbs up that all was well. The repair also cost about $2 in USD, so I can’t really complain.  All seemed well with my bike so I hopped on and went on my way, thinking I should probably order a new tire online when I got the chance.

End of story? Nope, not in my world!  I had a training session that lasted until after dark one night a few days later. Now… my wife, the smart one, has told me numerous times I shouldn’t ride my bike at night, at least not to and from work.  It is hard to see, there’s construction everywhere, and I’m a careless E-Bike rider to boot. Long story short, I left work that night and slammed into a pothole.  I mean a DEEP pothole.  I blew the rear tire and bent the rear wheel frame. I was still a good 45 minute walk from home.  I couldn’t ride the bike “bicycle style” because of the bent frame.  My only option was to park it… behind some trees near the road, leave it unattended, and then call for a ride.  Oh wait… I left my cell phone at home that day.  I’m definitely not the smart one in the family.  The bus station wasn’t too far away, so I began to hoof it in that direction.  A green taxi honked his horn at me a few minutes later, so I hopped in his car and was able to say in Chinese where I live.  It’s literally one of a handful of Chinese phrases I can say. He got me home and after a mild scolding from my better half, I went to bed dreaming of how to solve my bike issue the next day.

I took an Uberish car the next morning, and worked out a plan to… have a truck come pick up my bike, have a car come get me at work and take me to the truck that was picking up my bike, then ride in the (very dirty, smelly, nasty) truck to a bike repair shop near where I live.  That all worked out fine, I got the bike fixed – a new tire and repairing the frame cost $20. Now I’m back on the road ridin’ dirty and trying not to bike to/from work at night anymore.



Ok, bike stories aside for now. Let’s talk about food.  I love it. I’m by no means a foodie though. I’ve lived in some awesome places – Chicago Suburbs, right outside of NYC, The South, Ecuador, The Middle East, so I’ve had the unique opportunity to sample a smorgasbord of foods from all around the globe. I knew China was going to be another wonderful eating adventure and so far it has not disappointed me. If you follow my adventures on Facebook or Instagram, you’ve already seen me posting about the many odd (by U.S. standards) varieties of Lays potato chips I’ve procured and consumed. 














While I’m on a pretty strict diet, I will sample pretty much anything that’s offered just to say I’ve tried it.  That happened last Friday. Some co-workers ordered food for delivery during lunch and had me sample one of their dishes. The dish in particular was Xiaolongbao.  

Xiaolongbao

When you say it, it sounds like “Shau Long Bowel.” To be honest, I’m still not quite sure what xiaolongbao is or isn’t, but what I had on Friday was Chinese Soup Dumplings.  Basically, it’s a Chinese style dumpling, but inside of dumpling is soup, usually mixed with pork, or some other beef/chicken stock.  

Let me just say – I plopped one of these delectable suckers in my mouth and I was in food heaven. The soup just bursts in your mouth and the combination with the dumpling taste is simply amazing.  My co-workers tried to tell me to eat it by pinching a hole in the dumpling with your chopsticks, letting the soup drain into a spoon, then eat the dumpling and drink the soup.  That sounded like a lot of extra steps, right? Why not just plop they whole thing in your mouth?  They are meant to be a snacking food, they are bitesize, so that’s what did.

Of course, I wanted to go home and tell my wife all about xiaolongbao.  I even told her I would go out into town that evening and pick up some. I failed. Miserably. I’d go up to different dumpling type places and ask for “Shau Long Bowel”.  They’d shake their head no, look confused, or just laugh at me. I would then show them the Chinese characters for xiaolongbao on my phone.  They would then say, “Ohhh… Shau Long Bowel”, saying it THE EXACT SAME WAY I SAID IT. Clearly, I suck at Chinese at this point in my adventures. In any case, I found no xiaolongbao that night, nor the next day when we ate dinner out.  We had some kind of dumplings, which tasted great, but weren’t soup 
dumplings.  

Waiting on my dang soup dumplings.

Finished off the dumplings even though they had NO SOUP FOR YOU.


I dragged the wife and kids through town yesterday morning looking for this mysterious xiaolongbao, and thought we’d finally found some, only to find there was corn inside that dumpling, not soup. Again, the corn version tasted great, but its not what I was after. Final step yesterday – I went to the store and purchased the frozen kind of dumplings to make them myself. The picture on the bag even had a spoon under the dumpling with soup in it. So, I “steamed” them at home (a very cool cooking process btw) and, once again, they tasted lovely but weren’t the SOUP DUMPLING.  

Do you have Xialongbao?  No?  Okay.

The corn dumpling place.

Steaming the wrong dumplings at home.


Final plan – I will make my co-workers order the exact same xiaolongbao they ordered on Friday at the end of the workday, then bring them home to let Alanna have a taste. She better fall in love with them or I will xiaolongbao her in the face, whatever that’s supposed to mean.

Edit – Xiaolongbao order successful! I took them home, fed them to the wifey, and now we’re in a food coma. Have a good week.

Great Success!

Pic Dump –

A Maserati for the bride and groom.

Fruit Hat Kid

T-Shirt Chinglish

Coffee Mug Chinglish

No Clue

Recess

Storm Chaser

Some Green Screen action

Logan had a friend sleep over.

No Xiaolongbao at China BK.

Menu Chinglish

Star Student of the Week!


This is How You Ride Dirty in China


Possum on a gum bush! It gets really hot here.  You know the saying – “Its not the heat, it’s the humidity”?  Well that’s the dang truth here in China. Seriously, just a quick jaunt down the block to the store and we’re soaking wet with perspiration. I suppose it counts as a workout though so I am not complaining. 

Thankfully we don’t have to walk around the hood as much anymore because I have an e-bike.  Oh, and a scooter.  Well, one and a half scooters, because one of them doesn’t fully work – yet.  Ok, let’s tackle the e-bike first.  In China, E-Bikes or Electronic Bikes are everywhere. 
If you’re confused on what I’m talking about – here is an example of mine –



  
My E-Bike is kind of like a scooter, but also a bicycle. I use the term bicycle loosely, as pedaling it is basically a last resort and not an easy task. It has a top speed of about 18 mph and can get me about 15 miles or so before I need to charge it.  You may be asking, “Rob, how do I get one of these E-Bikes?”  Well, I’ll tell you.  Last week (or was it the week before?) I talked about all those crazy websites you can order stuff from here in China. Well that’s what I did.  After some creative searching, I found the E-Bike I was looking for. Best thing about this thing – dirt cheap.  On Amazon in the states, E-Bikes can easily cost around $1000 bucks.  Here in China? Less than $200. I have no idea if they are good quality or not, but mine seems to support all of me just fine and doesn’t feel like it’s about to fall apart or is cheaply made. This is a work purchase though, not just some fun gadget!  



Alanna has free transportation to her job. I, on the other hand, was left to fend for my own.  I had options – ride the over-crowded bus, get a cheap taxi, or a private “Uber” like car to take me to and from work every day. I didn’t like any of those ideas as they involved me paying money to someone every day and also relying on them to be on time and ready to go. So I went with the other option – get an E-Bike.  The good news again – they are dirt cheap.  The bad news? They are technically illegal.  You aren’t supposed to be driving them on the roads but everyone and their mother does, so why not me? Most people say that the authorities don’t really enforce this law, so I’m taking my chances.  The worst they will probably do is just take it away from me.  But I pass by police all the time on the thing and they haven’t even batted an eye at me so far. So yeah, I’m Ridin’ Dirty in China. 

They see me rollin’
They hatin’
Patrolling and tryin’ to catch me ridin’ dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin’ dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin’ dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin’ dirty
Tryin’ to catch me ridin’ dirty


Yes, I know riding dirty actually means having illegal drugs and paraphernalia in your vehicle. No, I don’t have drugs in my vehicle. 
The bike took a bit of getting use to – as it is NOT great going fast over neighborhood speed bumps. 

Bad parenting moment – my daughter flew off the back of my E-Bike the first time I took a speed bump at full speed.  


She’s fine, don’t worry!  But now I know how to handle a speed bump and will be getting a little kid seat to strap her in better behind me.
Did I mention we have scooters too?  Like, electric scooters, not unlike the ones you can rent and drive around in the cities.  You know, these things – 




Did I mention the scooters were free of charge?  A bad break up is my gain.  No, not me and Alanna.  Calm down.  A co-worker of mine had enough of her man, so they parted ways.  He left quite a few things behind.  She was nice and waited and waited for him to claim the items he left, but alas, he did not.  So she offered them to me!  Two scooters – one that works perfectly fine and the other, that needs a little engine/motherboard repair I think. There is a shop in town that will fix it for me for cheap, but I’m in no rush. While these things aren’t as practical as the e-bike for longer trips, they are really good for zooming around our local area.  Even Alanna has ridden one!  And that’s saying a LOT.  Top speed on ours is about 15 mph.  I haven’t tested how long the battery lasts because we don’t go long distance with the scooter and it gets plugged in when you get home. But it is a nice addition.  So, in summary, now I’m riding e-bikes and scooters in China.  Oh, one more thing of note from that break up – ranch dressing.  China doesn’t do ranch dressing.  I know, I know, how could I move here?  Well the ex-boyfriend left behind some bottles, one even unopened.  And now they are mine.

Ok, now that I’ve bored you to death with stories of e-bikes and ranch, here is the week that was.  Last week was a short work week for us as the weekend was the Mid-Autumn Festival. So we had Friday off, giving us a three day weekend. The holiday is kind of like Thanksgiving in that it is meant to be a celebration of a successful harvest and a time to spend with family eating together. They serve a special pastry during this time called Mooncakes. 



You may have already heard of it. I had not.  Mooncakes are a Chinese pastry that can be filled with all kinds of interesting things. Yes, you can have some filled with normal ingredients like chocolate or pineapple, but many of them are also filled with stuff like corn, green pea paste, red bean paste, lotus seeds, various other fruits and vegetables, pork, seafood, cheese, green tea and ice cream. Because they are a holiday treat, they are quite a bit more expensive than your regular run of the mill pastry. Be that as it may, and because last week there was a teacher appreciation day, both Alanna and I received a box of various flavors of mooncakes.  I’m pretty sure I tried ones with corn, green peas, pineapple and red beans. While I found some of them to be mostly edible, many of them were not very tasty at all (I’m looking at you Green Pea Mooncake)! But hey, when in China.

This past Friday was not only a national holiday, but also my birthday. Which was also Friday the 13th. I’ve never gotten bent out of shape when my day of birth falls on the unluckiest (especially at Crystal Lake) of days. Although – my 21st birthday – was on Friday the 13th – and Tupac died that day.  He’s still alive though – on an island with Elvis and JFK. 

Speaking of JFK, have you read Stephen King’s 11/22/63?  If not, you should.


Don’t worry, its not King’s typical scary stuff if that’s not you cup of tea. 

Where was I?  Oh yes, my birthday. My wife works on an island. Yes, you read that right. How cool is that?  It’s a literal island.  There is a bridge that connects it to the mainland so no boat is required. We hadn’t had the chance to really explore her island, so we decided to take on a little bit of it for my birthday. First stop? A go-kart track.  I heard about this spot through the grapevine and, if you know me, I’ll do anything once. We took a ride over the bridge early Friday morning and soon pulled up at the track.  It looked… closed? Abandoned? A scene from the Walking Dead? 



Some dude walking by told our driver that it was indeed open, so we headed up the steps and followed the signs.  No one was there, other than a handful of employees and us. Granted, it was morning and they had just opened up but still, I’m not sure how this place stays in business.  We found a ticket window and a price list. The karts came in two different varieties – 100cc and 150cc.  I know nothing about cc, other than my time spent playing Mario Kart.  The only thing I know is that 150cc is more powerful and faster than 100cc so that’s what I chose.  Good news – the 150cc kart requirement means you have to wear a racing suit, racing mask, a helmet and gloves.  

Pretty cool , right?  The bad news – the 150cc kart requirement means you have to wear a racing suit, racing mask, yadda, yadda yadda… it was really hot in that thing. Once suited up, they took me out to the track and put me in a kart, which didn’t fit.  No, this is not a fat joke.  It’s a height joke.  I was too tall.  My knees were in the way when I tried to turn the wheel. I got a deeper kart and I was all set to go.  Alanna?  Nope, she wasn’t having it.  She would have tried it if I really wanted her to, but it’s not really her thing.  So I didn’t make her try it, in hopes she won’t make me try some dumb romantic comedy down the road. Abby was too short. (They had a pencil mark on a wall. You had to be above that.) Logan was tall enough but had no desire to almost kill himself on a track with absolutely zero safety regulations.  He’s obviously the smartest one in the family. 


The ride though was a blast.  I got to speed around the track for 10 minutes, all alone, doing whatever the heck I wanted. The kart was surprisingly very fast and responsive. The track was a typical road course with all kinds of crazy turns, and like I said, no safety regulations.  If you didn’t watch your speed or brake properly, you could easily sail off the course and into a tree.  But I used my best Mario Kart skills and did just fine. 


The kart would actually drift in some turns and would really pick up quite a lot of speed in the straightaways. All in all, it was a blast and I’m so glad I got to do something high energy on my birthday. I also lost 10 lbs in that racing suit.

Our next stop was a bicycle cart rental place.  And when I mean bicycle cart I mean this – 



Alanna and I did all the pedaling, as Abby was too short to reach the pedals and Logan’s feet didn’t touch them enough to actually do anything useful.  We pedaled away from kart track and headed into the small historical town on the island.  And you may have guessed – four white people + a kart bicycle thing = unrelenting stares from the local population. I think we’re sort of getting used to it, but I don’t think it will ever be something we don’t notice happening.  The town was very old school China, with stone walls, merchants selling stuff everywhere, and even a Buddhist temple. 


Alanna and I bought bananas for the kids and a coconut for ourselves, cause it was the tourist thing to do.  The merchant chopped, carved and drilled a hole (with an actual electric drill) in our coconut and provided us with two straws.  Yes, we got the picture of us drinking it, but it tasted like luke warm sour milk, so let’s just say we didn’t finish the thing once we were far out of the merchant’s sight.


We finished our island trip with a stop at a beach.  Umm… bad idea.  This beach here was… err… nasty.  I am 99.9% sure that the stream of “water” coming out of the wall and spilling into ocean was raw sewage.  The smell and the chunks (sorry TMI) gave it away.  The kids went further down the beach and stuck their feet in the water.  I did not, because you know, Ebola. The beach was also pretty littered with trash.  To be fair, it’s not the ocean at this spot – its really a large sea that is mostly used for fishing.  So no big waves or crystal clear water – mostly just trash and poop. 

 Later on that Friday evening, we took a trip down south to a place called the London Longue. We were hoping for some good international food.  Translation – burgers, fries, stuff the kids would like.  While the place had a nice atmosphere, and did have mostly non-Chinese menu choices, it was clear the food was “from” China.  It tasted fine, but unfortunately didn’t taste any different than the selections we could get anywhere else.  Not a bad place and I would still give it a good Google review, but it wasn’t the taste from home we were hoping for. One huge bright spot – we found out my amazing and challenging ten year old son can add mozzarella sticks to the short list of five or six things he’ll actually eat in life.

Speaking of a taste from home – Saturday night one of my co-workers hosted a Taco night.  Now this tasted like home.  Not that my home is Mexico, but you get the idea. It was potluck, so I made some kind of Mexican rice… thing…  which turned out alright.  We had tacos, bean dip, guacamole and I wore my Adios Pantalones t-shirt to fit the theme of the evening. I got to introduce my wife to my colleagues and eat tacos.  Good times!

Ok, picture dump to follow, but for now…




More random Pics!

This Chinese kid wanted me to take a selfie with him.





China doesn’t sleep

Translated sign above a urinal


Another week has flown right by here in the PRC – that’s the People’s Republic of China for the uninitiated.  I started my new job and the kiddos started school, so we’re all off in different directions. On top of work, I’m still in the middle of the visa/work permit process, which seems to be the most difficult of all the countries we’ve lived. They need all kinds of documents – birth certificates, passports, diplomas, last will and testament, a library card, my 3rd grade journal assignment, and a partridge in a pear tree.  Obviously, I’m joking about some of those, but China does indeed require quite a lot of information to set up a residence visa. 



Last week was the police station and the medical check, this week it was visiting government buildings with documents in tow. Speaking of the medical check – I got a little book, not unlike a passport that has my medical results in them.  Most of all the categories resulted in a “No abnormal findings” verdict, but the Chinese doctors were concerned on two accounts – my ears and my kidneys.  The findings showed I had impacted cerumen in my ears.  I have earwax.  Ok.  Next, they said, and I’m quoting, “The left kidney stones”, which I assume means they found kidney stones on the left side.  I’d had them once before, WAY back in 1997, but that was accompanied by some major discomfort, and so far… I feel fine here.  Maybe the Chinese are confused about my stones.  I dunno, and I’m not really concerned.
Medical Report


We’re slowly settling into the Chinese way of life.  In many ways, the country has such a traditional, ancient value system, but in other ways they are beyond what one would be used to in the states. Technology, for example, is everywhere here and central to all that you do.  The most popular App in China is WeChat. This app is Facebook, Messenger, Video chat, Twitter, Instagram, News and everything else all rolled into one.  Everyone has it.  You use WeChat to pay for things – every… thing. You link a bank card to the app, and then scan a QR code in places to make a payment.  While this is something that some people do in the States, it’s the norm here. Some places only take payments from WeChat. It does make things easier and faster. You can also send money directly to people through the app as well. 

Another interesting tidbit about China – the delivery system in general. There is no Amazon here, but there is Taobao, or Baopao, or JD.com or TMall.  Think Amazon, but on crack.  Crack cocaine.  You can pretty much order any and everything you need (or don’t need) through these Amazon-like websites. Some crazy stuff too.  Try this – Go to Baopals.com, if it will let you.  Find the CCC section up top. That’s Cool, Cheap, Crazy. The Crazy section can be very NSFW. Shipping items can be one day or a couple, and they will drop stuff off at your door in the middle of the night. China never stops working. More on that later too.  Alanna ordered an item from an actual person selling something.  This was around 8:00pm at night. The woman who sold the item to Alanna told her she would have a “shipping service” bring her purchase to her… that night.  So get this – you can find a service, at 8:00pm, to come to your house, pick up something you’re selling and then they’ll bring that item to the people who are buying it from you.  Like, that night.  An hour later. And it is dirt cheap to do it. China never sleeps. Same with construction here. There is construction everywhere.  But the projects get finished so quickly!  One day there is the massive road construction going on, the next day, boom, done.  It’s because they always have people working – morning, noon and night. When one shift leaves, another one comes in. And then there are weekend shifts too. So a project is always being worked on, and finishes up quickly because of it.

I hope my southeast coast friends are staying safe as Hurricane Dorian draws near. Its much more difficult to keep up with anything going on over there, but I’ve seen 100 memes about that storm.  Here in China, I’ve got one Typhoonish storm passing through right now, and a larger one heading in our direction at week’s end. I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you guys if you’ll extend the same courtesy to me!

Two Typhoons heading to China.


And now, random goings on in no particular order:

  • Logan lost two teeth in one day, then another one the following day. The Chinese Tooth Fairy worked overtime this week.  Abby also has her first loose tooth, but it may be awhile before that one comes out.
  • I ordered an Electric Bike.  Think of a cross between a bicycle and a scooter.  More on that when it arrives.
  • Yes, I did indeed try Grilled Eel flavored Lay’s Potato Chips.  There are more weird flavors as well.  I plan on trying to eat as many weird unusual things as I possibly can, all while trying to maintain some sort of diet.
  • I was almost late to work one morning this week.  I took the bus, cause I’m trying to adapt to the culture or something like that.  When the bus pulled out in the morning, it was about 99% full. Then 10 people got on.  They were hanging out the doors.  I chose to stay behind and wait on the next bus, which came 10 minutes later. It was only 98% full, so I was able to squeeze in while everyone stared at the bearded white man.
  • Daddy likes steak. So Abby likes steak. She wants some whenever I ate it. She had some at school the other day.  It looked like steak, so Mommy told her it was steak. It was, in fact, duck, which is pretty common here. She was none the wiser so we ran with it.
  • All apartments are not equal. Ours is really nice, I’m not going to complain.  But… you are at the mercy of what people leave behind for you who lived there previously.  Ours was good.  We have a comfy couch, beds, TVs, all the bells and whistles.  One of our teacher couple friends?  They got a piano and a massage chair. I’m just saying…
  • They have a nice gym at our complex, complete with all the bells and whistles. I joined the other day. Only problem? No AC.  At all. And it’s close to 100 here and the humidity is off the chart. The Chinese must think Americans are sweaty pigs because that’s exactly what I look like after I finish a workout.
  • We visited an IKEA here.  It’s pretty much the same as in the States, just more Chinese. The hotdogs are not as good I am saddened to report. The instructions on how to put that stuff together is still just as confusing. 

Ok, I’m Audi 5000.  

Pics – 

Pineapple Dragon Bus

Menu Translation

My Name… in an elevator

Chinese students at work

My path to work

Sunsets aren’t too shabby

Building translation
You can order this…


First Week in China




The Staton family is finally all together and settled in China. I (Rob) had some… err…  visa issues to get through, so Alanna and the kiddos had to go to China all by themselves for a few weeks. Well all, eventually, took the same route though: Drive to Nashville àFly To San Francisco àFly to Hong Kong à Take a Ferry to Mainland China. Let me just tell you, the flight from the US to Hong Kong was sooooo long.  It was overnight thankfully, but still…  long way over there.  The flight took off and headed northwest towards Alaska, then west, west, west, more west, the southwest over Japan and then finally down towards China. I could have watched Avengers:Endgame 3 or 4 times on the flight. I did watch it once though.  Well OK, I watched the final fight scene about 5 times.

Arriving in Hong Kong, we were a little worried for me because there had been protests at the airport all week long. On the day of my arrival though, all seemed pretty quiet. I was also in the international terminal area, on the other side of security, so I don’t think the protesters would have been close to where I was anyway.  I did forget to charge my phone on the plane though, so it took me a bit and a good amount of Alanna freaking out over WhatsApp until I found the one USB port I could plug into while I waited on the ferry ticket window to open. Fast forward 4 hours later, I’ve got my ticket and I’m aboard a lovely ferry across the South China Sea. I was worried about going through customs in China, because I was the one with all the electronics in my bags.  TSA had hassled me about all my stuff in San Fran, and I was sure China would be more strict with my bags. Turns out I was wrong. I got off the ferry, collected my bags, showed them my passport, then ran my 4 bags through the security scanner with no problem at all. They didn’t need to check anything and even helped me put the luggage back on my rolling cart.

My new employer arranged for a driver to pick me up and take me to our new place. He also stopped by a local cell phone store to get me quickly hooked up with a Chinese sim card. Rolling into my complex, I saw Alanna and Abby waiting for me outside.  Logan, well, he was upstairs playing on his tablet, per his usual way of life. We’re on the 17thfloor which, yes, seems pretty high up, but our tower has 31 floors in it, so we ain’t as high as we could be. Our place has lovely AC in every room though.  This is a coastal area, so it’s HOT here during the summer, with August being the hottest.

This first week has been mostly settling in and getting our work visa process continued along the path of completion. Part of getting the work permit is getting a health physical. Both Alanna and I had to go to a local clinic, hospital, doctor… place. It was multiple floors and they just run you through a series a rooms.  First they checked my height weight and blood pressure. The next room was a blood test and a urine test. Eventually they did some type of physical where a doctor groped me for a bit. There was also an EKG, or ECG, I dunno, and then finally an ultrasound. Thankfully, there were no babies in my belly.  I think I got a clean bill of health.

You also have to go register at the local police station. I, of course, screwed that up the first day. You have to bring a rental contract from your place of residence, which I didn’t have, because Alanna had it for her police check. So I had to get that from the better half, then go back the next day.  All done there.



The kiddos start school on Monday, so I’ve been playing stay-at-home dad this week while Alanna works. We also have an Ayi, which is kind of like a maid, a chef, and a childcare provider all rolled into one. Her name is Lien Yi. No, I don’t really know how to say that. She’s very nice though.  But she doesn’t speak a lick of English. Nor do any of us dumb Americans speak Chinese, so conversations can be very interesting to say the least. Nice, hard working lady. No complaints there. I’ll start work next week, but for now, we’re just spending our days trying to master the terrible internet and exploring outside. We’ve found a Burger King within a 5 minute walk, so our kids can eat not so healthy food like they are used to for now. 

We visited our first mall last night. There was another Burger King and a KFC, but we decided to try some of the local fare. There are plenty of Chinese style restaurants, but we tried to pick something that would have dishes for the kiddos as well. The spot is called JasonVI.  No, not Friday the 13th Part 6.  It had a large menu with a ton of selections.  Of course there wasn’t much for the kids, but we figured they might like the French toast and French fries.  And… they hated them.  The French toast was amazing though!  Had peanut butter inside it!  The adults got some chicken wings, lamb, some lovely dessert cake thing as well. We didn’t have any napkins though.  We asked for them, and they brought us a few tiny ones in plastic bags.  I looked around and noticed no one else was using napkins.  Were we just dumb Americans and didn’t understand? My best guess – Chinese use chopsticks for everything, so their fingers don’t get messy. So I ate my chicken wings with chopsticks.  It worked, kind of. Halfway through our meal, Logan spilled water all over his lap. Something like this happens pretty much whenever we go out. If you have kids, you know. The staff quickly swarmed us and wanted to helped. Alanna pantomimed for a towel, but they shook their heads, went away and came back 10 seconds later with… a hair dryer. I kid you not. Is this something they just have on hand for times like this? They wanted to get up and blow dry Logan’s shorts dry.  Which we did, to the best of our ability. Well, Alanna did. I just sat there and laughed the whole time. The food though… was the bomb.  Alanna and I loved every single thing we put in our mouth.  And there was a lot of it.  How much did it cost?  $20 bucks for all of it. And you do NOT tip in China, so it was just $20.




I’m sure I’ve forgotten half the stuff that has already happened, so I’ll end this first blog with some random thoughts in no particular order.

  • We get stared at everywhere we go. Alanna thinks it’s my beard. But our kids get looks too. 99.9% of the peeps here are Chinese. So us crazy looking white folk stick out like sore thumbs. Even babies stare at us. One kid ran away from his Mom just to come to have a better look.
  • We aren’t supposed to flush our toilet paper in our apartment. So… when we do our business, the spent TP goes into the trash can. Thankfully the Ayi cleans that up.
  • China’s landscape is gorgeous. I mean GORGEOUS. We’re in a coastal area that also is surrounded by mountains. The forests are lush and green. And there are islands all over the sea.
  • The internet is blocked by the great firewall. To get to anything remotely American, you need a VPN.
  • Have you ever seen all those sites where there are badly translated English sayings on t-shirts? Those are real. They are hilarious. They are all over the place.
  • Driving here is a little crazy. They just get so close, pull out in front of you, and generally don’t obey any laws known to mankind.
  • We’re in the future here. We’re 12 hours ahead of east coast, USA.  So when you’re awake, I’m usually sleeping.



Ok, that’s surely enough reading for now.  Ya’ll take care out there.

A few more pics…





Here we go again!


Yup, China. We’ve been back in the states since 2014.  Every so often though, we take a peek online at what might be available overseas.  We’d had some close calls, some tropical island adventures, some wintry playgrounds, but until now we’ve yet to pull the trigger on anything. And then, China. You know the place right? Largest population in the world, Communism, the Great Wall, crazy language differences like – 我喜欢乌龟, and of course, delectable food choices. There were many questions, pros and cons, but ultimately it came down to two main things:

1. Does this move benefit the entire family?
2. Is it a financially smart decision?

We were able to successfully answer yes to both these questions. So, at the very beginning of August, we’ll be flying around the world to experience something brand new for the foreseeable future. Alanna and I will be leaving our jobs at the end of June, then use July to visit family, get some much needed R&R and to make final our travel preparations before heading out to southeast China.
For those of you reading this blog for the first time, he’s a quick recap of where we’ve lived since 2007:
North Carolina 
Illinois
United Arab Emirates
North Carolina again
New Jersey
Ecuador
Iowa
North Carolina again

Yeah, we get around. A lot. I like the life though. Possessions used to be such a big deal to me.  You name it, I wanted to be cool and own it. Gadgets, DVDs, swords, memorabilia, I collected it all. Then, I met this really awesome, smoking hawt chick. Her name is Alanna. She became the peanut butter to my jelly, the Abbot to my Costello, the Tweedle dee to my Tweedle dum, and to keep the China theme, the Yin to my Yang. This Alanna chick?  I married her. Now, while she too had possessions and baggage of her own, she always seemed to value experiences more than stuff. Sure, you can go on vacations and buy all kinds of cool souvenirs, but its the memories of what happened when you go rather than the trinkets you collect that make the difference. So, slowly over time, Alanna helped me go from 

Possessions > Experiences to Experiences > Possessions. 


I tell you all this to try to explain our WOL – Way of Life. The reason we pack up, move around a lot, is because we love the experiences that it creates for our family. We’re all more well rounded as human beings for this. Do we have a huge house? No. Do I have a cool man cave? No. How does our 401(k) look? Hahahahaha. I don’t care though. There are two things in my life that matter most to me – My family, and the amazing experiences I’m privileged to have with them. Everything else just aint that high on my cool radar.

Lazy much?

Sorry, its been 4 months since I posted. No reason other than me being a lazy poo poo head.  So I’ll give you a quick update and then show you a bunch of pictures, mmkay?

Our “spring break” was in February.  I guess its not really a spring break when the weather is always amazing though.  But it was a break and we took full advantage of it.  The first part of the break we flew to Iowa.  You know, corn, snow, corn. As most of you know, we’ve decided to move back to the States to get Logan into some special education programs. There really isn’t anything here for him and its become a very difficult struggle for both him and us.  Thankfully, Alanna had quite a few options of the WHERE when we moved back to the States.  Choices ranged from California, NC, SC, to… Iowa.  Iowa you say?  Yes, Iowa.  Iowa offered Alanna the chance to become a first time principal.  The tiny little town offered to fly us there so Alanna could have a formal interview (she’d already WOWed them on Skype) and so they could meet us, we could meet them.  There was a foot of snow on the ground when we got there.  That was quite a shock after it being 70 degrees every day for 6 months. I think both Alanna and fell in love with the idea of “Iowa” pretty quickly – low cost of living, family friendly, small community, it seemed like a nice fit for us.  And a chance to hopefully settle down for a good while.  Long story short, Alanna accepted and we’ll be moving to Iowa July 1st.  So that means a new job for me.  I’ve been on the hunt, but thankfully our finances means I don’t have to rush.

We flew back to Ecuador after the weekend and prepared for part 2 of our break – The Galapagos.  They are actually a part of Ecuador, a few hours off the coast.  The islands are on many, many people’s bucket lists, so it was kind of silly for us not to go since we were so close.  Again, Alanna did most of the planning, and found us a cheap 2 bedroom apartment on the main island to rent for a week. The trip was simply amazing. You really feel like you’re in the wildest, broadest habitat you’ve ever seen.  The wildlife and plant life was a sight to behold.  Everywhere you turned, there was a lizard you’d never seen, or a flower you’d never heard of, or a sea lion sleeping on a park bench. And it was nice to be in a place that’s 90 degrees when most of your friends are back in the States having the worst winter ever. We didn’t do as much as other adventurous tourists did, as we had the little ones with us, but we did hike in lava caves, see giant turtles, swim with iguanas, ate traditional food, had a sunset view on our terrace, watched a daughter become a local celebrity, and a ton of other really cool things I can’t remember. Its a week I’ll never forget and to get to spend it with my family made it all the more sweeter.

The last two months have been pretty tame compared to our previous adventures.  Even in Ecuador, its easy to settle into day to day life.  I work, Alanna takes care of the kids, and the house, all while getting her doctorate.  No idea how she does it. Last weekend was Easter though, so we made it a point to get out of the house for the day.  The Equator which runs through Ecuador is only about an hour north of where we live.  Its a popular tourist attraction for gringos and locals alike, so we left early Saturday morning to visit the center line of Earth. It was hot, but not too crowded.  There’s a long yellow line that denotes the Equator, that runs through a giant monument.  Lot’s of people take pics of their feet on each side of the line.  We did the campy photos of course.  I even tried to sit Abby down on the line but she immediately started crying, which will make a great picture for her when she’s older.  Abby again became the talk of the town though.  Ecuadorians flock to her.  A beautiful, pale skinned, blue eyed baby is very rare to see down here, and people always stop us to gawk at her.  They talk about how pretty she is, how chubby she is, how beautiful her eyes are.  Then they ask to hold her.  Then they ask to take pictures with her.  Yes, at the Equator, where people should be taking pics of themselves, we had more than one group of people ask to specifically take pictures with Abby. The father in me hopes she’s not this pretty when she’s 16.  I will have to stomp a mudhole in some boys.  Anyway, we had a great time there.  They had a big village full of tourist gifts, and there was music and dancing to keep us entertained. So check that off the list.

Now we’re about a month out from leaving.  We’re flying to Miami on June 1st, driving up the coast, hanging on the beach of a few days, then family hopping for the rest of month in NC. I’ll miss this country, but I’m ready for the next step, whatever that’s going to be.

Okay, here are some pictures to keep your eyes entertained…

feliz año nuevo

Feliz año nuevo, mi amigos!

I haven’t blogged in quite a while.  I decided that for the entire month of December I would take a social media break.  It was a culmination of many things – most of which were just annoying things that people post on these kind of sites.  So on December 1st I removed all my social media favorites from Chrome and my phone and promised myself I wouldn’t look at any of them for the entire month.  Let me tell you, it was great.  Sure, I missed wishing people happy birthday and seeing what my friends around the world were up to, but that was about it.  Here are some things I did NOT miss –

Political arguments
President bashing
Other party bashing
Healthcare debates
Bitstrips
Hashtags
Instagram pictures of people stuff copied and pasted from the internet
People talking about last night’s episode
Ducky Dynasty
App invites
Status updates that talk about what mundane thing you did
People posting about privacy issues
People posting about drones
Drunk NYE pictures

There are plenty more, and most of these I do mean in jest, but honestly… it was a lovely break.

On the Ecuador..

We’re still living and loving this country.  I gave up on my scooter dream when we figured we’d save more money by not buying one and me just taking taxis to and from work every day. I did buy a bicycle though.  I bought it off an Ebay type of site in Ecuador and they even delivered it to my house, the next day.  Trouble is, while the back looked assembled and ready to go, you are supposed to tighten every single bolt and screw down before you go out riding.  People usually buy the bike, take it to a bike shop and have a guy tune it up before they ride.  So I got home from work that night and took it out immediately for a spin and… broke some stuff.  One of the guards of my complex was nice enough though to take my bike to a shop and get ti fixed and tuned up for me.  So the next day I was out riding like I was supposed to.  There is an awesome bike/walk/run trail that runs some 20 kilometers and has a few geocaches to boot.  I’ve only made it about 5K so far, but it’s fun, relaxing and gets me moving on my own without a taxi.

Work is fine, but I was happy to have a Christmas break.  We celebrated a low key Christmas day.  Logan enjoyed opening his presents and then thankfully enjoyed playing with them for most of the day. We got out of town on the 26th and headed down south to Banos (yes, bathroom).  It’s an awesome touristy, gringo town with hot baths and a bunch of waterfalls, and all kinds of other stuff.  It’s a 4 hour trip down to Banos, so I convinced Alanna that it would be good to take a $3.50 bus round trip.  The buses around here are a bit crazy… to put it mildly.  Alanna was REALLY worried and nervous, but thankfully the bus ride was uneventful for the most part, and our children were well behaved.  And by well behaved, I mean that Logan didn’t have a pee or poop emergency.

Banos was amazing.  Alanna did all the planning, cause that’s what she does.  She booked a gorgeous, American family-run hostal.  It was 3 blocks from one of the waterfalls, and we got free breakfast every morning.  And the shower water was hot… which is a rare treat here.  There were a few things in Banos I HAD to do.  One was the swing at the edge of the world.  Its a large, old tree house with a simple swing attached to it… that… if you swing out on it you swing off and over a cliff.  Very thrilling.  We had a taxi drive us up the mountain to the spot, then we preceded to hike up a wet hill with a 4 year old and a baby.  Alanna was a little nervous.  There were a few people already there when we made it to the top.  We waited our turn, took some pictures in front of the tree house, then I jumped on the swing and Alanna nervously snapped some cool pics.  Then… ALANNA DID IT.  Ok, I basically made her to it, but she’ll tell you it was a blast and is glad she did it.  Overall cool family adventure experience. We hiked back down the hill, getting some help from an Ecuadorian dude, then took the taxi down and then up to Bella Vista.  Its basically a nice view point spot that overlooks Banos.  GREAT VIEW.  And there was a geocache nearby so I snagged it.

The second thing our my to do list was to go puenting.  Its basically jumping off a really high bridge with a rope attached to you.  No, its not bungee jumping. It is literally just a rope.  You jump, then swing under the bridge, then get lowered down to the ground.  So I had the taxi drop me off at the bridge (Alanna was too nervous to watch.) and headed out to the middle.  I watched a few people jump and then paid my $20 to do it.  Being a skydiver, I paid close attention to the harness and rigging they put me in, and the stuff looked pretty safe.  I climbed over the rail of the bridge, stood on a tiny little wooden platform, counted to 3, then dove head first off towards a river 200 meters below.  While it doesn’t give the same rush as skydiving, it was still really fun and I’m glad I did it.

The rest of our vacation we spent relaxing, eating and doing the touristy stuff.  Banos is known for their hot baths so we had to give that a try.  It was mediocre.  The one we went to looked like a giant community pool.  The water was warm enough, but sort of smelled like pee and they made you wear shower caps.  But again, it was an experience.

The bus ride back, as with coming back from anywhere seemed to take forever.  The driver pulled over at one point at a garage and decided it was time for an oil filter change. The engine was basically under the front row of seats, you know… where we were sitting. So they lifted up a door under us and got to work.  Alanna was a little nervous.  But they finished quickly enough and we were back on the road.  We made it home and spent the last few days doing… nothing.  Which I was more than happy about.  Yesterday, we went over to a friend’s house and swam in their heated pool.  Logan had a blast and actually let me throw him in the pool a few times, which I think is a huge step for him.  It was Abby’s first time in a pool so we made sure to snap some pics.  Last night was low key again for us, though Ecuador is CRAZY about New Years.  Firstly, some men dress up like women, widows or something and beg for money by stopping cars in the middle of the street.  Also, the locals make these paper mache dolls and then burn them at midnight.  It is supposed to symbolize the getting rid of the old stuff from last year.  Also, they eat 12 grapes at midnight to bring them good luck for each month of the new year.  And finally.. the fireworks.  You know how you see one show of fireworks somewhere on NYE?  Well I’m pretty sure everyone in Ecuador had fireworks last night.  They started around 8pm and didn’t stop until 2am.  I gave Alanna some lip locking at midnight and then quickly made my way up to the roof.  No matter where I looked for 360 degrees, I could see fireworks going off.  It was pretty dang impressive. And it was neat to look down at the street and see people burning a bunch of paper mache figures.

OK, so now you’re all caught up.  Happy New Year to you and yours.

And some pics…. in no particular order…

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